Laziness as a Parenting Strategy
I like to joke that Sarah and I have a parenting strategy predicated on laziness. The key strategies are:
- do what works (corollary: if they’ll eat it, feed it to them. Even if its ice cream.)
- when in doubt, do what’s easier
But seriously, our strategy has worked for us. I think the two main things we’ve focused on are loving our kids and picking our battles. By loving, I mean providing a lot of physical affection (holding, rocking, hugging, etc.) and presence. In terms of battles, we’ve tried to not push agendas before our kids were ready. When they were infants, we kept them in bed with us. We moved them to their own beds when they seemed ready, which for both Claire and Elliot was around 6 months. I know a lot of parents move their kids earlier, but ours seemed ready at that point.
What fascinates me is that I discovered after the fact that there’s a real parenting strategy that validates (at least to an extent), what we’re trying to do. It is called attachment parenting and there is a great deal of cutting-edge brain research validating it. Attachment Parenting International (an advocacy organization, “promote parenting practices that create strong, healthy emotional bonds between children and their parents. We believe these practices nurture and fulfill a child’s need for trust, empathy, and affection, providing a lifelong foundation for healthy, enduring relationships.”
The emerging brain research on infants is suggesting some findings that really support attachment parenting. One finding is that providing love and affection to infants is critical to their brain development. For instance, the simple act of holding your infant is actually facilitating important brain development. Another finding is that a relationship with another human being is necessary for proper right brain development. Some of the most important things you can do with your child is just be physically present.
Now as a disclaimer I should point out that my kids almost 3 and 1. So there’s still plenty of time for them to turn out to be axe murderers that butcher me in my sleep. But so far they seem very happy and healthy - even despite the ice cream.
I should also point out that we’re not the sort of parents that believe you shouldn’t deny your children anything or ever tell them “no.” We do have rules and limits, but we don’t believe in imposing arbitrary rules. I have no desire to raise a couple of spoiled brats.
Anyway, here are a couple of great books if you’re interested in learning more:
The Scientist in the Crib: What Early Learning Tells Us About the Mind